Dear friend,
I recently finished a book. For awhile I read small portions at a time, but just the other night I found myself lost in the labyrinth of dwindling emotion. At the final junctures of the book, truths were unveiled and I understood everything. The book I read is titled the Perks of Being a Wallflower, and is chronicled by a young man (through anonymous letters), who is new to high school and witness to those infamous endeavors of which he becomes involved in. His name is Charlie, and after time I became attached to his eloquent stories and eagerly put myself in his shoes. One significant point in the book, a moment which I feel captures the very premise of the book, is when he drives through the tunnel (alone), where Sam and Patrick first brought him.
"As you enter the tunnel, the wind gets sucked away, and you squint from the lights overhead. When you adjust to the lights, you can see the other side in the distance just as the sound of the radio fades to nothing because the waves just can't reach. Then, you're in the middle of the tunnel, and everything becomes a calm dream. As you see the opening get closer, you just can't get there fast enough. And finally, just when you think you'll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you. And the radio comes back even louder than you remember it. And the wind is waiting. And you fly out of the tunnel onto the bridge. And there it is. The city. A million lights and buildings and everything seems as exciting as the first time you saw it."
Charlie is a type to value meaningful friendships and two very important people in his life are Sam and Patrick. With time they accepted him as a weird and quiet freshman but came to influence him in so many ways. A significant part is the first time he went through the tunnel, an important moment in his life where within he felt “infinite.” One might say he realized the true values of friendship and everything in between. I like to think that in those moments, all those years of growing up finally caught up to him, and left him stuck on the brink of childhood and adulthood… maturity. But what he felt was not uncertainty or distress, rather bliss in that infinite awakening to life. Another important time, when his friend Sam leaves for college, the two of them have one last talk. And what I learned from Sam are the pure meanings of friendship… and that is honesty. Not just listening or being there, but truly being honest – liberating those introverted feelings and emotions to REALLY be helpful for a friend.
Untimely, this happens towards the end of the book at the climax to Charlie’s story. While Sam may have been the best thing to happen to him, she ultimately stirs something deep inside Charlie to bring out the ill in him. Throughout the book the mystery funnels page after page and then the irony sinks in and it all makes sense. To say the least, I wasn’t shocked at the ending.
All in all, the book is a captivating musing of high school and adolescence. And Charlie’s story within the fringes of growing up is not only poignant but in some ways mutual. After the ending however… well, I will just leave that up to you.
My kinship always,
Jammy Kay
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Dear friend,
I’ve always wondered why rainy days leave someone feeling solemn. Every time their expressions are the same, always the infamous themed story, “Awww, Rain, Rain, GO AWAY…” but I won’t finish the rest. Secretly I love rainy days, because I can let my imagination run freely… sort of like streams of consciousness, and every thought is full of pure sunlight and fields of flowers – a dream land. And sometimes, when I’m having a bad day I just think about the sunshine of my imagination. All is better.
My dad loves rainy days too. As a kid I remember him and I used to share that interest. As rain poured, we spent those hours of sunshine together in our den, amidst the tall book shelves and peaceful fire; playing a game of chess, or reading, or imagining. I learned from our time together, that if you just let your mind be free, we can understand the true meaning of bliss. I like to think of those moments as the best any father or son can share.
As I grew older my imagination expanded and when I needed to focus I couldn’t… I would always dream about sunshine and other things. After that I was diagnosed with severe ADD. My parents let the doctors put me on medication, and since, my imagination has faded. Everything colorful became grey. My vivid streams of consciousness in which I found peace disappeared. Into high school, it was then I began to dabble into a self-medication process. I read poetry; I wrote poetry… sometimes I drove; sometimes I walked… sometimes I did things I shouldn’t have. I just wanted an escape and then I found it. Skateboarding was always there to lift the anchor of medication. Skateboarding was that escape I always needed – those blissful moments in sailing the air where my mind is free. But then, back to reality.
I wrote this letter because I’ve been wondering if I should quit taking my medication… if I should lie to my parents and my doctors. All I want my mind to be the way it was meant to be… free.
My kinship always,
Jammy
I’ve always wondered why rainy days leave someone feeling solemn. Every time their expressions are the same, always the infamous themed story, “Awww, Rain, Rain, GO AWAY…” but I won’t finish the rest. Secretly I love rainy days, because I can let my imagination run freely… sort of like streams of consciousness, and every thought is full of pure sunlight and fields of flowers – a dream land. And sometimes, when I’m having a bad day I just think about the sunshine of my imagination. All is better.
My dad loves rainy days too. As a kid I remember him and I used to share that interest. As rain poured, we spent those hours of sunshine together in our den, amidst the tall book shelves and peaceful fire; playing a game of chess, or reading, or imagining. I learned from our time together, that if you just let your mind be free, we can understand the true meaning of bliss. I like to think of those moments as the best any father or son can share.
As I grew older my imagination expanded and when I needed to focus I couldn’t… I would always dream about sunshine and other things. After that I was diagnosed with severe ADD. My parents let the doctors put me on medication, and since, my imagination has faded. Everything colorful became grey. My vivid streams of consciousness in which I found peace disappeared. Into high school, it was then I began to dabble into a self-medication process. I read poetry; I wrote poetry… sometimes I drove; sometimes I walked… sometimes I did things I shouldn’t have. I just wanted an escape and then I found it. Skateboarding was always there to lift the anchor of medication. Skateboarding was that escape I always needed – those blissful moments in sailing the air where my mind is free. But then, back to reality.
I wrote this letter because I’ve been wondering if I should quit taking my medication… if I should lie to my parents and my doctors. All I want my mind to be the way it was meant to be… free.
My kinship always,
Jammy
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Our,
Lemon Burst
Song One: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Tears for Fears
Song Two: “I Ran So Far Away” – Flock of Seagulls
Song Three: “Call Me” – Blondie
Song Four: “Flashdance” – Irene Cara
Song Five: “Tainted Love” – Soft Cell
Song Six: “Owner of a Lonely Heart” – Yes
Song Seven: “Thriller” – Michael Jackson
Song Eight: “Upside Down” – Diana Ross
Song Nine: “Land Down Under” – Men at Work
Song Ten: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Tears for Fears
I remember you and I would always talk about traveling back in time to the 80’s... And how fun it would be to wear goofy clothes, and glasses, and all those things. I remember our sophomore year in high school we started the trend for Funky Fridays with our Day-Glo sensations. I remember for Halloween we dressed as an 80’s duo for three years in a row. Each year just got better and better. We were always the talk of the neighborhood. And then, on numerous occasions you and I would take your dads convertible and go for a night on the town booming our favorite tunes. In the end, we did manage to travel back in time and in our honor I made this mix tape to declare, WE ARE THE RULERS OF THE WORLD!
I hope that when you listen to this mix tape you can re-live everything we shared together in our little world from the 1980's. Just promise me one thing, you'll sing out loud to every song like we did in your dads yellow convertible.
My best friend is really my twin. Shhh!
My dad adorns his moustache a little too much.
My mom sometimes “accidentally” cuts-in to change the subject.
My sister is very opinionated – Ms. Environmentalist.
My aunt always has a hug to give, and cookies too.
Lemon Burst
Song One: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Tears for Fears
Song Two: “I Ran So Far Away” – Flock of Seagulls
Song Three: “Call Me” – Blondie
Song Four: “Flashdance” – Irene Cara
Song Five: “Tainted Love” – Soft Cell
Song Six: “Owner of a Lonely Heart” – Yes
Song Seven: “Thriller” – Michael Jackson
Song Eight: “Upside Down” – Diana Ross
Song Nine: “Land Down Under” – Men at Work
Song Ten: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” – Tears for Fears
I remember you and I would always talk about traveling back in time to the 80’s... And how fun it would be to wear goofy clothes, and glasses, and all those things. I remember our sophomore year in high school we started the trend for Funky Fridays with our Day-Glo sensations. I remember for Halloween we dressed as an 80’s duo for three years in a row. Each year just got better and better. We were always the talk of the neighborhood. And then, on numerous occasions you and I would take your dads convertible and go for a night on the town booming our favorite tunes. In the end, we did manage to travel back in time and in our honor I made this mix tape to declare, WE ARE THE RULERS OF THE WORLD!
I hope that when you listen to this mix tape you can re-live everything we shared together in our little world from the 1980's. Just promise me one thing, you'll sing out loud to every song like we did in your dads yellow convertible.
My best friend is really my twin. Shhh!
My dad adorns his moustache a little too much.
My mom sometimes “accidentally” cuts-in to change the subject.
My sister is very opinionated – Ms. Environmentalist.
My aunt always has a hug to give, and cookies too.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Dear friend,
Have I ever told how beautiful a butterfly is? I hadn’t seen once since the start of summer, and just the other day one flew next to me. I held out my hand to harbor its soft touch and to stare at the yellow silk of its wings, each flutter as gentle as the wink of an eye. I remember my uncle loves butterflies, and since I never had the chance to say goodbye, I like to think that butterfly was him… His one last wink of approval. Our goodbye.
Ten weeks now, since the cancer took him away. Yet I like to remember him as he was, and still is, always joyful as a butterfly. Though, I find it hard to believe he’s actually gone. He was so young and had so much going for him. Now I am often left wondering why bad things always happen to good people, especially my uncle. I know that from the day he was born he lived his glory days in full. In doing so he left just as big an impression on me as with his own son. He was just that kind of man, the rare kind that is, always open with everyone. I haven’t yet lived my glory days, but my uncle has opened my eyes to many things, and I know they will come. I just have to be patient.
The holidays are forthcoming and this time around things aren’t going to be so familiar. Every year my uncle was always the life of the party. He was the one who brought everyone together, you know, to achieve that family-unity thing. But he would want us to go about celebrating the holidays as if nothing has changed. And we all know he’ll be watching, as the butterfly of our hearts.
The reason I wrote this letter is because I feel as though I need to say what’s on my mind… I trust you.
My kinship always,
Jammy
Have I ever told how beautiful a butterfly is? I hadn’t seen once since the start of summer, and just the other day one flew next to me. I held out my hand to harbor its soft touch and to stare at the yellow silk of its wings, each flutter as gentle as the wink of an eye. I remember my uncle loves butterflies, and since I never had the chance to say goodbye, I like to think that butterfly was him… His one last wink of approval. Our goodbye.
Ten weeks now, since the cancer took him away. Yet I like to remember him as he was, and still is, always joyful as a butterfly. Though, I find it hard to believe he’s actually gone. He was so young and had so much going for him. Now I am often left wondering why bad things always happen to good people, especially my uncle. I know that from the day he was born he lived his glory days in full. In doing so he left just as big an impression on me as with his own son. He was just that kind of man, the rare kind that is, always open with everyone. I haven’t yet lived my glory days, but my uncle has opened my eyes to many things, and I know they will come. I just have to be patient.
The holidays are forthcoming and this time around things aren’t going to be so familiar. Every year my uncle was always the life of the party. He was the one who brought everyone together, you know, to achieve that family-unity thing. But he would want us to go about celebrating the holidays as if nothing has changed. And we all know he’ll be watching, as the butterfly of our hearts.
The reason I wrote this letter is because I feel as though I need to say what’s on my mind… I trust you.
My kinship always,
Jammy
Monday, October 6, 2008
Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because today I pulled a photo album from my closet. I sat for awhile gazing through the pages and was immediately brought back to a time when I was ten years old. I was on a beach. The time was 8:08. The sand was cool, soft, and stuck between my toes. I sat watching the sea gulls, two of them flying into the far off horizon… My mom and dad- two sea gulls- flew hand in hand watching the setting sun. My sister ran from the ocean and grabbed my hands, her palms in mine, “Let’s play!” And we swirled about the sand and the beach, screaming happily and laughing. Mom and dad were both chuckling, the sun gleaming in their smiles…
Together, we were a family of sea gulls, flying the wings of happiness at sunset. At that moment, the sun was as beautiful as it was all day… And standing in the last rays of sunlight I knew how to feel infinite… To be caught in a singularity- my own frozen moment in time in which I control how fast the seconds and the minutes pass by. Everything is beautiful, a lucid dream in which I am awake. And in this dream I have visions before me of a life fulfilled… Of where I am and where I will be, always infinite… I just need to know, is this what it’s like to miss someone? I think you of all people would understand that because you once asked me that very question...
Looking further into the pages, I am reminded of that feeling. Now I am seventeen and walking this beach again, my hand in hers, and strangely the time is 8:08. The sun is shining, casting beams upon the far off ocean. Everything is beautiful and I am awake, feeling infinite. So, this is my life, living each day thinking about those I miss most... And I want you to know, I’ll always be just a few words away.
My kinship always,
Jammy
I am writing to you because today I pulled a photo album from my closet. I sat for awhile gazing through the pages and was immediately brought back to a time when I was ten years old. I was on a beach. The time was 8:08. The sand was cool, soft, and stuck between my toes. I sat watching the sea gulls, two of them flying into the far off horizon… My mom and dad- two sea gulls- flew hand in hand watching the setting sun. My sister ran from the ocean and grabbed my hands, her palms in mine, “Let’s play!” And we swirled about the sand and the beach, screaming happily and laughing. Mom and dad were both chuckling, the sun gleaming in their smiles…
Together, we were a family of sea gulls, flying the wings of happiness at sunset. At that moment, the sun was as beautiful as it was all day… And standing in the last rays of sunlight I knew how to feel infinite… To be caught in a singularity- my own frozen moment in time in which I control how fast the seconds and the minutes pass by. Everything is beautiful, a lucid dream in which I am awake. And in this dream I have visions before me of a life fulfilled… Of where I am and where I will be, always infinite… I just need to know, is this what it’s like to miss someone? I think you of all people would understand that because you once asked me that very question...
Looking further into the pages, I am reminded of that feeling. Now I am seventeen and walking this beach again, my hand in hers, and strangely the time is 8:08. The sun is shining, casting beams upon the far off ocean. Everything is beautiful and I am awake, feeling infinite. So, this is my life, living each day thinking about those I miss most... And I want you to know, I’ll always be just a few words away.
My kinship always,
Jammy
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
September 17, 2008
Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because, well, for awhile I was worried. Worried about myself, how I wasn’t really me. For weeks on end I had felt a tension inside, and over my head like a cartoon rainstorm that followed me, as an ever ensuing weight which dazed my head. And for awhile this was happening to me, but now it seems the storm has receded and for the first time in a month I am relieved. Am I finding my place? … I would like to hope so. I would like to think I have found my niche, but still I cannot tell. This is all too overwhelming. I just need to know that there are others who feel this way too. That I am not the only one. I think you of all people would understand that because you have been through this before. I remember the day we met, and I remember that soon our ties were cut short as you moved away. You also told me it wasn’t your first time either and I felt for you. But I knew you learned to cope, so now more than ever I need your crutch. So, this is my life. And I want you to know, whether you can help me or not, I’ve still thought about things, and thus come to terms... If you can manage on your own, then I only hope I can do the same.
My kinship always,
Jammy Kay
Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because, well, for awhile I was worried. Worried about myself, how I wasn’t really me. For weeks on end I had felt a tension inside, and over my head like a cartoon rainstorm that followed me, as an ever ensuing weight which dazed my head. And for awhile this was happening to me, but now it seems the storm has receded and for the first time in a month I am relieved. Am I finding my place? … I would like to hope so. I would like to think I have found my niche, but still I cannot tell. This is all too overwhelming. I just need to know that there are others who feel this way too. That I am not the only one. I think you of all people would understand that because you have been through this before. I remember the day we met, and I remember that soon our ties were cut short as you moved away. You also told me it wasn’t your first time either and I felt for you. But I knew you learned to cope, so now more than ever I need your crutch. So, this is my life. And I want you to know, whether you can help me or not, I’ve still thought about things, and thus come to terms... If you can manage on your own, then I only hope I can do the same.
My kinship always,
Jammy Kay
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)